Like most people out there I worry about the damage the sun is doing to my skin and that of my children. I know the sun is more damaging today than when I was a child but, I wonder about the excessive use of sunscreen. We are being inundated with information telling us to slather up head to toe and make sure we dunk our kids in sunscreen else the big ol' mean sun will give us cancer. To translate, we're to slather our bodies with a chemical to protect us from a natural hazard. That's right up there with bug spray - egads! I just saw a mosquito, better get the deet and start inhaling those fumes lest I get bit.
It all seems a little ridiculous to me. We are trading one danger for another. It seems it is human nature to fling ourselves from one end of the pendulum to the other.
I've chosen a different tactic. I still use sunscreen - I do recognize that excessive sun exposure is detrimental - but I limit sun time instead of slathering myself and my children with a chemical. Oh, I know all the studies say it is perfectly all right to use sunscreen. But wasn't it just a few decades ago that DDT was deemed safe? Or herbicides and pesticides - seen a bee lately?
Most days, unless we're running errands, the kids have quiet time (what's quiet time you ask.....I'll post a blog on that little sanity scheme another time) during the hottest hours of the day. This keeps them in the house and out of the sun and limits the amount of time they are exposed to the sun. If, like today, the sun is beating down like we're the next Sahara, I put sunscreen on them and send them outside for a few hours. Once it is time to replenish they'll be tired and hungry and ready to come inside. I'll feed them and everyone will go for quiet time.
I'm still undecided about sunscreen, I think within 10 years we'll find out that just as many people are getting skin cancer from sunscreen as from the sun. But, in the meantime, I know that the sun is burning my children whereas it didn't burn me when I was a child. It's another case where the data in the experiment has changed so the method has to change. Compromise - limit the exposure to the sun and I can limit the exposure to sunscreen.
Limiting exposure to the sun doesn't need to translate to more screen time - a little creative thinking and we can achieve outside playtime with limited exposure to the sun. With that in mind, on the new house we are building we are adding two verandas, places where the kids can be "outside" yet still protected from the sun; and planting more trees in the backyard to provide shade.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Finish Your Ice-cream....
The day I said to DD1 "You can have more rice as soon as you finish your ice-cream." DH said "Huhn, don't you have that backwards?" I had to stop and think about it, but no, I'd actually told her to finish her dessert before she could have more dinner. And, I've said it several times since.
We have two rules regarding food in our home, no chocolate before breakfast and you have to at least "touch" your dinner in order to have dessert. Dessert is usually served in our home, be it simple like a chocolate candy, Hallowe'en candy, cookies or more extravagant, pie, cake, ice-cream, whatever. When I'm ready to serve dessert I serve it to everyone regardless of whether they've finished their plate. How much dessert they get is commiserate with how much food they've eaten. Only if they haven't taken so much as a bite of dinner will they not get dessert. If after eating dessert they ask for more dessert it's "finish your dinner", if they choose to finish it and still want dessert then I give them more. This alternates back and forth until they stop asking for food, or I run out of whatever I made.
Now, there have been a few cases where one of the children wants more of the dinner food and I've already served the dessert. If it's something perishable (like ice-cream) I usually say they have to finish their dessert before getting more dinner food.
Needless to say, this flies in the face of all prevailing theories regarding food. However, all of my children are the appropriate weight for their size. In fact, DD1 routinely receives hand-me-ups (clothes from younger children) that are too big for her. All 3 have the same problem with clothes - they grow out of them height wise before they grow into them in the waist. I have to sew "tucks" into the waist bands of almost all their pants so they can wear them before they become too short.
This is one of those ongoing experiments that appears to be working, we don't have fights over sugar, there's no such thing as a sugar rush in our house, and they don't pig out on sugar every chance they get. Chocolate bars, cakes, cookies are routinely abandoned in favour of fruit or nothing. I often find bits of chocolate bars on the table where a child put it because they were full. Given the option to choose their snack - yogurt, cheese and fruit top the list. That isn't to say that they don't have days where they choose the chocolate or candy, but it's a proper balance. And that balance is paying off in healthy, happy children who aren't determined to consume every drop of sugar in the house.
They all understand the balance between healthy and not healthy and that you eat your healthy before the not healthy, and you eat more healthy than not healthy. DD1 packs her own lunch, but I routinely spot check it. Keep in mind that she is 7 1/2. Her average lunch consists of yogurt, piece of fruit, some form of cheese (her favourite cheese is Fruliano) and either a piece of chocolate or cookie or bear paw. Whatever she doesn't eat at school she brings home and eats after school.
The Ministry of Education has implemented a law that schools can not serve sugary, fatty foods to students. Everything has to be whole wheat (ever had a whole wheat donut? blech) It is a complete and total ban on non-healthy foods in the school system. This isn't teaching children to eat properly; it is, however, increasing the sales of the local corner stores and creating black markets for junk food. (One enterprising student was selling pop out of his locker.) The MofE felt it was necessary to make this law because parents cannot be bothered to teach their children proper balance. Parents use the excuse that it's too hard, they don't have time, to cook proper meals. It's way easier to hop into a McD's but it isn't better and children don't learn to appreciate real food.
Some parents seem to think if they ban all junk food from the house that this teaches children not to consume the stuff. Follow those same students around and you will see they will find a way to get it; it becomes a driving force - getting that sugar fix becomes an addiction. Take the mystique out of it and it becomes blase, just another facet of life to take in stride.
Now that I've ranted I really should go check out the bumps, bangs and "OW's" emanating from the corner of the room.
We have two rules regarding food in our home, no chocolate before breakfast and you have to at least "touch" your dinner in order to have dessert. Dessert is usually served in our home, be it simple like a chocolate candy, Hallowe'en candy, cookies or more extravagant, pie, cake, ice-cream, whatever. When I'm ready to serve dessert I serve it to everyone regardless of whether they've finished their plate. How much dessert they get is commiserate with how much food they've eaten. Only if they haven't taken so much as a bite of dinner will they not get dessert. If after eating dessert they ask for more dessert it's "finish your dinner", if they choose to finish it and still want dessert then I give them more. This alternates back and forth until they stop asking for food, or I run out of whatever I made.
Now, there have been a few cases where one of the children wants more of the dinner food and I've already served the dessert. If it's something perishable (like ice-cream) I usually say they have to finish their dessert before getting more dinner food.
Needless to say, this flies in the face of all prevailing theories regarding food. However, all of my children are the appropriate weight for their size. In fact, DD1 routinely receives hand-me-ups (clothes from younger children) that are too big for her. All 3 have the same problem with clothes - they grow out of them height wise before they grow into them in the waist. I have to sew "tucks" into the waist bands of almost all their pants so they can wear them before they become too short.
This is one of those ongoing experiments that appears to be working, we don't have fights over sugar, there's no such thing as a sugar rush in our house, and they don't pig out on sugar every chance they get. Chocolate bars, cakes, cookies are routinely abandoned in favour of fruit or nothing. I often find bits of chocolate bars on the table where a child put it because they were full. Given the option to choose their snack - yogurt, cheese and fruit top the list. That isn't to say that they don't have days where they choose the chocolate or candy, but it's a proper balance. And that balance is paying off in healthy, happy children who aren't determined to consume every drop of sugar in the house.
They all understand the balance between healthy and not healthy and that you eat your healthy before the not healthy, and you eat more healthy than not healthy. DD1 packs her own lunch, but I routinely spot check it. Keep in mind that she is 7 1/2. Her average lunch consists of yogurt, piece of fruit, some form of cheese (her favourite cheese is Fruliano) and either a piece of chocolate or cookie or bear paw. Whatever she doesn't eat at school she brings home and eats after school.
The Ministry of Education has implemented a law that schools can not serve sugary, fatty foods to students. Everything has to be whole wheat (ever had a whole wheat donut? blech) It is a complete and total ban on non-healthy foods in the school system. This isn't teaching children to eat properly; it is, however, increasing the sales of the local corner stores and creating black markets for junk food. (One enterprising student was selling pop out of his locker.) The MofE felt it was necessary to make this law because parents cannot be bothered to teach their children proper balance. Parents use the excuse that it's too hard, they don't have time, to cook proper meals. It's way easier to hop into a McD's but it isn't better and children don't learn to appreciate real food.
Some parents seem to think if they ban all junk food from the house that this teaches children not to consume the stuff. Follow those same students around and you will see they will find a way to get it; it becomes a driving force - getting that sugar fix becomes an addiction. Take the mystique out of it and it becomes blase, just another facet of life to take in stride.
Now that I've ranted I really should go check out the bumps, bangs and "OW's" emanating from the corner of the room.
My child is a picky eater.....
"My child is a picky eater" has to be one of the top annoying statements parents utter if not, the most annoying. The number of times I've heard parents complaining that their children won't eat vegetables or meat or some such amazes me. Those same parents will say, in front of their children, that their child is a picky eater. And when does this pickiness start? The first time a child turned their nose up at the meal they were offered and the parent foolishly panicked and immediately set about finding something that the child would eat. Contrary to popular belief, babies and toddlers aren't brainless and quickly learn to manipulate their parents. Don't believe me, the next time you see a toddler fall, before jumping into action to rescue them, pretend to not see it and just watch them from the corner of your eye. 90% of the time the child will look to see if anyone is watching before deciding if they are hurt. If they see that there was a witness to their fall then the waterworks start. The other 10% of the time, well that's where they start crying immediately without the look-about, that would be a true comfort-needed moment.
In previous posts I mention that raising children is an ongoing experiment. One of the many theories I have is that if you put it in front of them and don't tell them they might not like it, well, they'll probably eat it and like it. I remember serving dinner one day and putting brussel sprouts on everyone's plate, 4 to each of the children and several to DH and myself. I put the pot back on the stove and proceeded to serve the next item. By the time I got to DD2's plate all her brussel sprouts were gone, as were DH's which was in easy reach of DD2 - and the dog was not in the house at the time. Not only did my not quite two-year old toddler eat all 4 of her brussel sprouts she stole the ones of DH's plate. I gave both of them some more and moved DH's plate out of reach.
Think about it, when was the last time you served ice-cream, chocolate or candy to your child and said, "you might not like it but you have to try it"? Yet, for some reason people do that all the time with meat, fish, veggies etc and then act all surprised that their child won't eat whatever it was that was served.
If you want your child to eat their dinner without fuss, stop making a fuss over it. Serve the meal that you prepare, if they don't eat it, don't worry about it. Children will not starve to death if they're given food. So they miss a meal, big deal. We are so absorbed with food that we spend the bulk of our lives thinking about food, eating food, preparing food, worrying about food, throwing food away and finding food that we forget that to our children food is not the be all and end all.
DD1 doesn't care for my seafood chowder and it's purely psychological, she encountered a piece of sand in a clam once and it turned her off the whole soup, I make it and serve it (usually with baking powder biscuits) and if she eats it she eats it, if not, well then she does without until breakfast. I certainly don't make a separate meal for her - my kitchen isn't a restaurant. Now, some parents might think that I'm being mean, what's the big deal with making something for her to eat, or just not making it at all. Well, for one thing, children who are allowed to be picky eaters grow up to be picky eaters, they're the rude people who come to dinner and either don't eat what's offered or throw most of what was on their plate in the garbage.
We are doing our children a disservice by not offering them the "grown up" veggies like brussel sprouts, asparagus, swiss chard, beet greens etc (yes, my children eat those too, without fuss). These veggies are high in nutrients, iron, anti-oxidants etc - you know, all those fancy things adults are finding out they should've been eating for the last few decades and now have to force themselves to eat because they never developed a taste for them!
So, if you want your children to grow up with a taste for healthy foods, start serving them early, and don't sit there with a clothes pin on your nose making gagging noises as you force them down your own throat. Just serve them. Now if your children are older it isn't too late to change tactics, remember, it's an experiment and when the data changes the method has to change. Most of those veggies taste really good with melted cheese - also high in protein and calcium.
In previous posts I mention that raising children is an ongoing experiment. One of the many theories I have is that if you put it in front of them and don't tell them they might not like it, well, they'll probably eat it and like it. I remember serving dinner one day and putting brussel sprouts on everyone's plate, 4 to each of the children and several to DH and myself. I put the pot back on the stove and proceeded to serve the next item. By the time I got to DD2's plate all her brussel sprouts were gone, as were DH's which was in easy reach of DD2 - and the dog was not in the house at the time. Not only did my not quite two-year old toddler eat all 4 of her brussel sprouts she stole the ones of DH's plate. I gave both of them some more and moved DH's plate out of reach.
Think about it, when was the last time you served ice-cream, chocolate or candy to your child and said, "you might not like it but you have to try it"? Yet, for some reason people do that all the time with meat, fish, veggies etc and then act all surprised that their child won't eat whatever it was that was served.
If you want your child to eat their dinner without fuss, stop making a fuss over it. Serve the meal that you prepare, if they don't eat it, don't worry about it. Children will not starve to death if they're given food. So they miss a meal, big deal. We are so absorbed with food that we spend the bulk of our lives thinking about food, eating food, preparing food, worrying about food, throwing food away and finding food that we forget that to our children food is not the be all and end all.
DD1 doesn't care for my seafood chowder and it's purely psychological, she encountered a piece of sand in a clam once and it turned her off the whole soup, I make it and serve it (usually with baking powder biscuits) and if she eats it she eats it, if not, well then she does without until breakfast. I certainly don't make a separate meal for her - my kitchen isn't a restaurant. Now, some parents might think that I'm being mean, what's the big deal with making something for her to eat, or just not making it at all. Well, for one thing, children who are allowed to be picky eaters grow up to be picky eaters, they're the rude people who come to dinner and either don't eat what's offered or throw most of what was on their plate in the garbage.
We are doing our children a disservice by not offering them the "grown up" veggies like brussel sprouts, asparagus, swiss chard, beet greens etc (yes, my children eat those too, without fuss). These veggies are high in nutrients, iron, anti-oxidants etc - you know, all those fancy things adults are finding out they should've been eating for the last few decades and now have to force themselves to eat because they never developed a taste for them!
So, if you want your children to grow up with a taste for healthy foods, start serving them early, and don't sit there with a clothes pin on your nose making gagging noises as you force them down your own throat. Just serve them. Now if your children are older it isn't too late to change tactics, remember, it's an experiment and when the data changes the method has to change. Most of those veggies taste really good with melted cheese - also high in protein and calcium.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Kids, Cats and Dogs……
Some memories stick better than others, case in point, one afternoon almost 2 years ago it rained here, yeah I know, this is the Lower Mainland, big surprise there. But it had been raining for days and no end in site. The kids were getting antsy, climbing the walls, driving me crazy, so I decided, rain or no rain; we were going for a walk to run off some of the p&v. By the time everyone was dressed, undressed and dressed again and ready to go it was raining enough that we would get wet but not soaked.
The youngest has just learned to walk so I decided to let her walk rather than push the stroller, thinking the exercise might do her some good. I'm a proponent of the tether for children. It makes life so much easier, it allows them to roam and yet gives me a handle in the event a quick pick up is necessary, ie a car.
As we leave the driveway, 2 kids on bikes, one kid toddling along on a tether attached to one wrist and a dog on a leash attached to the other wrist we are a site to behold. We barely make it two steps off the driveway when Max the cat decides he too wants to join in the fun.
Both older kids start clamouring to splash in the puddles. What heck, it's raining anyway, what difference does it make? Sure, go ahead. As I creep along the road at a toddler's pace, which is slow enough that snails blow by us, the dog takes a moment to sit down and look at me as if to say "Um, can we pick it up a pace? I haven't got all month you know!"
This is the point when Max realizes it is raining outside. Does he go dashing back to the house to get inside, no, he spends the entire trip following us, streaking from one dry spot to another meowing the entire way. This, of course, catches my toddler's attention, so she spends the entire first half of the walk walking backwards watching the cat streaking from dry spot to dry spot, mrrowing his discontent as loud as he can.
At this point the older two decide us slow pokes need to be left behind and they take off on their bikes. Not really an issue on this street, that is until they turn into specs in the distance and can longer hear me - or is that more of the childish selective hearing?
Catching their attention attracts neighbours I'm sure - thoughts of screaming fishwife flow through the brain but wayward children come splashing back to the fold, sharing streams of water. Right into the leash holding the dog, ripping my arm from my shoulder as she recoils from this sudden onslaught and I try not to flip the tethered child on her well padded behind. Talk about being stretched in the middle. A quick "oops sorry" and they're off adventuring again.
The slower than snail's pace continues for a little longer with the rain coming down in a constant barrage on my not as waterproof as I thought coat. We make it a good distance down the road, alternately between picking up the toddler who thinks puddles make good sitting spots to hollering for the adventurers to return, to the quick pickup and stop on sightings of the over numerous "CAR", all the while listening to a never ending "MMRROOWWW" (Translation: "we could be inside nice and warm you know!") It really is too bad that we can't speak cat, at least then I could've told him to go home and maybe had him listen to me.
Reaching the end of the walk and turning around to go home presented a whole new aspect. No longer content with watching the indignant cat that was now in front of us; my darling toddler decided that she wanted to pay attention to where we didn't go. Up till now, every time I let go of her hand so she could walk by herself she was content with walking with us. But, apparently, we didn't go far enough to suit her as now when I let go of her hand, she decided that the opposite direction held more interest and bee-lined a 180. Picking her up and carrying her a distance only proved to her that there must be something really interesting back there.
As we come near a house with a small dog inside, he took a sudden interest in us and while I could see him barking I couldn't hear him. The same can not be said for our dog. She could hear him, but not see him. Intent on finding him she looked everywhere but in the window of the house where he was jumping up and down on the couch. This drew the attention of the occupants of that house who for some reason had the blinds half drawn on the window. Apparently, an adult being tugged between kid and dog on a tether being followed by a cat and preceded by two kids on bikes in the rain was too much for them. Suddenly, all I could see in the window was several bodies bending down to look out from under the blinds at the spectacle in the rain.
Eventually we arrived back at home, drenched from head to toe, except for the relatively dry cat that seemed rather smug, and three kids found themselves dumped together in the bath and into bed for some mercifully quiet, quiet time.
The youngest has just learned to walk so I decided to let her walk rather than push the stroller, thinking the exercise might do her some good. I'm a proponent of the tether for children. It makes life so much easier, it allows them to roam and yet gives me a handle in the event a quick pick up is necessary, ie a car.
As we leave the driveway, 2 kids on bikes, one kid toddling along on a tether attached to one wrist and a dog on a leash attached to the other wrist we are a site to behold. We barely make it two steps off the driveway when Max the cat decides he too wants to join in the fun.
Both older kids start clamouring to splash in the puddles. What heck, it's raining anyway, what difference does it make? Sure, go ahead. As I creep along the road at a toddler's pace, which is slow enough that snails blow by us, the dog takes a moment to sit down and look at me as if to say "Um, can we pick it up a pace? I haven't got all month you know!"
This is the point when Max realizes it is raining outside. Does he go dashing back to the house to get inside, no, he spends the entire trip following us, streaking from one dry spot to another meowing the entire way. This, of course, catches my toddler's attention, so she spends the entire first half of the walk walking backwards watching the cat streaking from dry spot to dry spot, mrrowing his discontent as loud as he can.
At this point the older two decide us slow pokes need to be left behind and they take off on their bikes. Not really an issue on this street, that is until they turn into specs in the distance and can longer hear me - or is that more of the childish selective hearing?
Catching their attention attracts neighbours I'm sure - thoughts of screaming fishwife flow through the brain but wayward children come splashing back to the fold, sharing streams of water. Right into the leash holding the dog, ripping my arm from my shoulder as she recoils from this sudden onslaught and I try not to flip the tethered child on her well padded behind. Talk about being stretched in the middle. A quick "oops sorry" and they're off adventuring again.
The slower than snail's pace continues for a little longer with the rain coming down in a constant barrage on my not as waterproof as I thought coat. We make it a good distance down the road, alternately between picking up the toddler who thinks puddles make good sitting spots to hollering for the adventurers to return, to the quick pickup and stop on sightings of the over numerous "CAR", all the while listening to a never ending "MMRROOWWW" (Translation: "we could be inside nice and warm you know!") It really is too bad that we can't speak cat, at least then I could've told him to go home and maybe had him listen to me.
Reaching the end of the walk and turning around to go home presented a whole new aspect. No longer content with watching the indignant cat that was now in front of us; my darling toddler decided that she wanted to pay attention to where we didn't go. Up till now, every time I let go of her hand so she could walk by herself she was content with walking with us. But, apparently, we didn't go far enough to suit her as now when I let go of her hand, she decided that the opposite direction held more interest and bee-lined a 180. Picking her up and carrying her a distance only proved to her that there must be something really interesting back there.
As we come near a house with a small dog inside, he took a sudden interest in us and while I could see him barking I couldn't hear him. The same can not be said for our dog. She could hear him, but not see him. Intent on finding him she looked everywhere but in the window of the house where he was jumping up and down on the couch. This drew the attention of the occupants of that house who for some reason had the blinds half drawn on the window. Apparently, an adult being tugged between kid and dog on a tether being followed by a cat and preceded by two kids on bikes in the rain was too much for them. Suddenly, all I could see in the window was several bodies bending down to look out from under the blinds at the spectacle in the rain.
Eventually we arrived back at home, drenched from head to toe, except for the relatively dry cat that seemed rather smug, and three kids found themselves dumped together in the bath and into bed for some mercifully quiet, quiet time.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Unsoliticed Advice
Prior to having children I was like every other pre-child person out there. I had very definitive ideas of what my children would be like, what behaviour I would accept and what I wouldn't. But, rarely did I provide unsolicited advice to another parent. I know there were parents "out there" saying to themselves "can't wait til she has her own, then she'll see". Of course, I didn't understand that statement, what's too see? Children are children, I'm bigger, smarter and older, where's the problem?
Then I had children. We got off easy with DD1, an easy pregnancy (no morning sickness, a minor lemon craving) and she was sleeping 8 hours a night at 8 weeks and progressed well from there. We discovered she was a little mother when DS came along. You couldn't ask for a more helpful child, I was able to have her "keep an eye on DS" and even amuse him for long periods of time while I engaged in frivulous activties like showering. We had some minor colic problems with DS but nothing major.
Then DD2 came. Let me tell you, if DD2 had been first there would not have been any more. 8 months of colic, yes you read that right - 8 months of colic. She would start screaming at 10 or 11 at night and not stop until at least 2 in the morning, regularily it was pushing 4 before she stopped. In hindsight, if I'd known then what I know now about chiropractic healing I would have taken her to be adjusted. Once she learned to talk we discovered that she was having excrutiating pain in her legs but until she learned to communicate that to us we were left with a screaming demon. Then the night terrors started but that's another story.
Back to the unsoliticed advice, if you're a parent and your children are older than mine or even the same age then yes, I will listen to your advice, but if you do not have children what would possibly posses you to offer up advice? You have no concept of what it is like to spend 24/7 with these creatures. Oh, you may be a child care expert, a teacher, been around children your whole life but that is completely different than living with them and teaching them from scratch. A teacher/day care worker will never replace a parent and shouldn't. At most teachers spend 35 hours with our children yet they feel that their bachelors degrees give them the right to dictate to parents what we should be doing.
I read in the paper that with the economy the way it is we will return to the days of yore when parents actually stayed home and raised their own children instead of pawning them off on other people. Contrary to popular belief it is not better to have strangers raise our children. Has no one noticed the increase in daycare in relation to the increase in crime and the decrease in age of the children committing those crimes?
Advice is a fickle thing, the best advice is that which is given without expectation of it being followed. I quickly learned that one should treat advice like we treat clothes. Pick and choose that which works for you now, and shelf the rest. It may never be useful but you never know.
So, the next time you offer up advice to someone, don't get bent out of shape if the recipient of your advice doesn't seem to take it to heart - they may be shelving it for later, or never, but you don't know their situation or their children no matter how much time you've spent around them. Children are always different around other people but revert to their normal creature ways around their parents.
Then I had children. We got off easy with DD1, an easy pregnancy (no morning sickness, a minor lemon craving) and she was sleeping 8 hours a night at 8 weeks and progressed well from there. We discovered she was a little mother when DS came along. You couldn't ask for a more helpful child, I was able to have her "keep an eye on DS" and even amuse him for long periods of time while I engaged in frivulous activties like showering. We had some minor colic problems with DS but nothing major.
Then DD2 came. Let me tell you, if DD2 had been first there would not have been any more. 8 months of colic, yes you read that right - 8 months of colic. She would start screaming at 10 or 11 at night and not stop until at least 2 in the morning, regularily it was pushing 4 before she stopped. In hindsight, if I'd known then what I know now about chiropractic healing I would have taken her to be adjusted. Once she learned to talk we discovered that she was having excrutiating pain in her legs but until she learned to communicate that to us we were left with a screaming demon. Then the night terrors started but that's another story.
Back to the unsoliticed advice, if you're a parent and your children are older than mine or even the same age then yes, I will listen to your advice, but if you do not have children what would possibly posses you to offer up advice? You have no concept of what it is like to spend 24/7 with these creatures. Oh, you may be a child care expert, a teacher, been around children your whole life but that is completely different than living with them and teaching them from scratch. A teacher/day care worker will never replace a parent and shouldn't. At most teachers spend 35 hours with our children yet they feel that their bachelors degrees give them the right to dictate to parents what we should be doing.
I read in the paper that with the economy the way it is we will return to the days of yore when parents actually stayed home and raised their own children instead of pawning them off on other people. Contrary to popular belief it is not better to have strangers raise our children. Has no one noticed the increase in daycare in relation to the increase in crime and the decrease in age of the children committing those crimes?
Advice is a fickle thing, the best advice is that which is given without expectation of it being followed. I quickly learned that one should treat advice like we treat clothes. Pick and choose that which works for you now, and shelf the rest. It may never be useful but you never know.
So, the next time you offer up advice to someone, don't get bent out of shape if the recipient of your advice doesn't seem to take it to heart - they may be shelving it for later, or never, but you don't know their situation or their children no matter how much time you've spent around them. Children are always different around other people but revert to their normal creature ways around their parents.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Morning Ritual
Everyone at some point declares war on the morning ritual. We invent systems and procedures to minimize steps and anguish but at some point we have to admit defeat, if only for a short time. Thankfully spring break is upon us and we can declare a ceasefire for a week.
My oldest has a To Do list and the requirement is that she complete the To Do list before she plays on the computer or watches tv. At first the list consisted of pictures of the things she was to complete but as she progresses through grade 1 I've added words. As she is an early riser (way earlier than me) this seems a good idea. For the most part it works but every now and then I find myself scrambling to get out the door yelling for shoes and up until a few months ago usually having to deal with some sort of "bathroom" issue from the two younger ones - fortunately the light is visible at the end of that particular tunnel.
Of course, it doesn't help that my own life isn't organized. I have the idea to teach organization to my children when I'm not organized - yes, I know - half of you are rolling on the floor laughing right about now - silly woman, right?
BRB - time to do the dash to school. I'm back. We live really close to the school, close enough to fairweather walk. As DD2* (dear daughter 2) gets older we'll look at walking more often but for now I can dash to school and back in 8 minutes.
Back to the morning rituals, so far the To Do list is working, instead of constant reminders to do this, this and this, I've at least shortened my litany to "have you completed your To Do List?" Back when DD1 was in preschool we had a particularly bad week and I decided that if I didn't want to spend the next 13 years pulling my hair out every morning I had to do something. Because she wanted to go to school so badly, not going to school was punishment. As it was preschool I had a little more flexibility. So, when it came time to go and she still wasn't ready I told that's it! you don't get to go. Not believing me she started to scramble to get ready but it was already too late, school had started. Instead I called them and reported her absence and DD1 spent the next 2 1/2 hours sitting on a chair in the kitchen. She wasn't allowed to get down to do anything except go to the bathroom. Needless to say she was a bit annoyed with me and keeping her in that chair for 2 1/2 hours seemed more like 24 hours, but I persevered and came to the end of the school day. Then I asked her if it wouldn't have been more fun at school and she agreed. I've only had to pull out that threat a couple of times since (of course, this will only work for as long as school is a place she wants to be but by then I hope to have instilled the morning rituals).
Life with children is an experiment. Every parent, every child is different. There are a ton of experts (professional and otherwise) who have their tried and true methods and some work and some don't. But by and large, it's one big experiment, with changing protocols and changing subjects - let's face it children change day to day, heck hour to hour; the little darling that greeted you with an angelic smile in the morning is no relation to the wild-eyed screaming monster that desperately needs a nap in the afternoon! What works for one child might work for another with a little tweaking or maybe it makes about as much sense as barretts on a cat to another. The point is, there aren't any schools teaching parenting, no exams, no diplomas, for a reason. It's constantly changing and we muddle through the best we can. If we're good scientists, we change our theories when presented with new evidence instead of trying to force the data into the parameters we want, we accept the path the data leads us down and try not to explode the lab in the process.
So far my experiment with morning rituals is working with DD1, DS (dear son) however, is rapidly coming along behind DD1 and with kindergarten starting in the fall will I be continueing with the experiment or will the lab blow up?
Considering we're about to demo our house and build a new one (the three kids are currently sharing one 8 x 12 room and I'm sure a mutiny is on the horizon) I'm leaning towards the lab blowing up - literally! But, more on that later.
*The terms DD1, DD, DS etc are borrowed from www.flylady.com.
My oldest has a To Do list and the requirement is that she complete the To Do list before she plays on the computer or watches tv. At first the list consisted of pictures of the things she was to complete but as she progresses through grade 1 I've added words. As she is an early riser (way earlier than me) this seems a good idea. For the most part it works but every now and then I find myself scrambling to get out the door yelling for shoes and up until a few months ago usually having to deal with some sort of "bathroom" issue from the two younger ones - fortunately the light is visible at the end of that particular tunnel.
Of course, it doesn't help that my own life isn't organized. I have the idea to teach organization to my children when I'm not organized - yes, I know - half of you are rolling on the floor laughing right about now - silly woman, right?
BRB - time to do the dash to school. I'm back. We live really close to the school, close enough to fairweather walk. As DD2* (dear daughter 2) gets older we'll look at walking more often but for now I can dash to school and back in 8 minutes.
Back to the morning rituals, so far the To Do list is working, instead of constant reminders to do this, this and this, I've at least shortened my litany to "have you completed your To Do List?" Back when DD1 was in preschool we had a particularly bad week and I decided that if I didn't want to spend the next 13 years pulling my hair out every morning I had to do something. Because she wanted to go to school so badly, not going to school was punishment. As it was preschool I had a little more flexibility. So, when it came time to go and she still wasn't ready I told that's it! you don't get to go. Not believing me she started to scramble to get ready but it was already too late, school had started. Instead I called them and reported her absence and DD1 spent the next 2 1/2 hours sitting on a chair in the kitchen. She wasn't allowed to get down to do anything except go to the bathroom. Needless to say she was a bit annoyed with me and keeping her in that chair for 2 1/2 hours seemed more like 24 hours, but I persevered and came to the end of the school day. Then I asked her if it wouldn't have been more fun at school and she agreed. I've only had to pull out that threat a couple of times since (of course, this will only work for as long as school is a place she wants to be but by then I hope to have instilled the morning rituals).
Life with children is an experiment. Every parent, every child is different. There are a ton of experts (professional and otherwise) who have their tried and true methods and some work and some don't. But by and large, it's one big experiment, with changing protocols and changing subjects - let's face it children change day to day, heck hour to hour; the little darling that greeted you with an angelic smile in the morning is no relation to the wild-eyed screaming monster that desperately needs a nap in the afternoon! What works for one child might work for another with a little tweaking or maybe it makes about as much sense as barretts on a cat to another. The point is, there aren't any schools teaching parenting, no exams, no diplomas, for a reason. It's constantly changing and we muddle through the best we can. If we're good scientists, we change our theories when presented with new evidence instead of trying to force the data into the parameters we want, we accept the path the data leads us down and try not to explode the lab in the process.
So far my experiment with morning rituals is working with DD1, DS (dear son) however, is rapidly coming along behind DD1 and with kindergarten starting in the fall will I be continueing with the experiment or will the lab blow up?
Considering we're about to demo our house and build a new one (the three kids are currently sharing one 8 x 12 room and I'm sure a mutiny is on the horizon) I'm leaning towards the lab blowing up - literally! But, more on that later.
*The terms DD1, DD, DS etc are borrowed from www.flylady.com.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
3 little blessings?
Prior to age 28 I determined I did not want children; they were too much work, would change my life too much, I had things to do and places to see that did not involve children. Around 28 I realized that life was rapidly flowing away and that maybe, just maybe, my decision about children was a bit limiting. Then a very selfish idea occurred to me: I could regret not having children (too hard to remedy once old age hits) or I could regret having them (again a wee bit hard to change once old age hits, but avoidance is easier to create than babies from a barren body). So, discussions ensued and the first little bundle of joy became a reality.
Bundle of joy, whoever thought up that euphemism has clearly lost contact with reality. Oh, don't get me wrong, children have their moments, but only now do I understand my Mother's comments about children not being people until they're 35! These creatures masquerading as children have turned my life upside down. Where once I led a team of employees who did what I told them, I now have a trio that makes an art out of selective hearing.
We seem to live in a society where everyone bares their feelings and thoughts for the world to read. I often wonder why we feel the need to express our inner most thoughts to anyone with a computer; why we feel our 2 cents is worth reading. Then I became a stay at home Mom. Where are the coffee clatches? The children all taking turns playing at the neighbours'? The evening chats over the fence? Zipping next door for a cup of sugar? These activities do not exist, at least not in a city environment. Oh they might still exist in small towns but with so many people caught up in their hectic 2 jobs, 15 activities (can't have our children sitting bored for 5 minutes) there isn't time for face-to-face connections anymore.
I'm a fairly social person, I talk to my neighbours; I even get a laugh out of the look on their faces when they find out I'm a waver (I wave when I drive by them on the street). But, there are people 2 doors down that I have never spoken to in the 11 years I've lived here. Up until Christmas there was one house where I never saw the people there, ever, never saw a car leave, never saw anyone in the yard, never.
So, is it any wonder that with the advent of Facebook and other social sites and blogging that people are posting inner most thoughts and ideas, complaints and laments? We need to communicate, even if it's only in 1 and 0's with someone, if we can't find a warm body then the world at large will do.
I find myself spending 24hours a day/7 days a week with three creatures whom I'm told are people, but some days I have my doubts, with little or no contact with the outside world. My nearest friend is a 30 minute drive away, the other 45 minutes. Make friends closer you say, well, that's an excellent idea, but there's one drawback to that. Making friends at my age, trying to break into the world of other people is a lot easier said than done. Now that my oldest is in school I have a captive audience in the other Moms, some of whom have the same problem I do, but again, everyone has their own life and their own demands on their time.
At times I find myself in a funk that is difficult to label and needs addressing. I've decided to jump on the blog bandwagon, add my 2 cents worth to the world at large and create a connection to something beyond myself. One reader, one million readers or none, makes no difference, but a place to put down these rambling thoughts - that's a good thing.
So join me, if you will, on this little journey while I find out if it is possible for me to turn 3 creatures into respectable people. In following posts I will introduce each of the creatures, darling firstborn, a beautiful girl entering school this year, to charming middle son whose smile is going to have girls swooning in a few short years, to delightful youngest with mesmerizing eyes and more attitude than both her siblings combined. Each creature exhibits unique traits (can't possibly make it easier by having any "sameness" going on) which makes each creature exasperating and lovable. One minute I'll be ripping my hair out ready to flee to Tahiti, the next a simple "I love you and I like you" will have my heart melting, and I'm sure they'll all agree that I'm definitely in the running for Mean Mommy of the Year Award.
Right now it's time for bed and story time. Usually the other half gets to do that 15 minutes of snuggle time but he's off gallivanting tonight so I get to do it.
Bundle of joy, whoever thought up that euphemism has clearly lost contact with reality. Oh, don't get me wrong, children have their moments, but only now do I understand my Mother's comments about children not being people until they're 35! These creatures masquerading as children have turned my life upside down. Where once I led a team of employees who did what I told them, I now have a trio that makes an art out of selective hearing.
We seem to live in a society where everyone bares their feelings and thoughts for the world to read. I often wonder why we feel the need to express our inner most thoughts to anyone with a computer; why we feel our 2 cents is worth reading. Then I became a stay at home Mom. Where are the coffee clatches? The children all taking turns playing at the neighbours'? The evening chats over the fence? Zipping next door for a cup of sugar? These activities do not exist, at least not in a city environment. Oh they might still exist in small towns but with so many people caught up in their hectic 2 jobs, 15 activities (can't have our children sitting bored for 5 minutes) there isn't time for face-to-face connections anymore.
I'm a fairly social person, I talk to my neighbours; I even get a laugh out of the look on their faces when they find out I'm a waver (I wave when I drive by them on the street). But, there are people 2 doors down that I have never spoken to in the 11 years I've lived here. Up until Christmas there was one house where I never saw the people there, ever, never saw a car leave, never saw anyone in the yard, never.
So, is it any wonder that with the advent of Facebook and other social sites and blogging that people are posting inner most thoughts and ideas, complaints and laments? We need to communicate, even if it's only in 1 and 0's with someone, if we can't find a warm body then the world at large will do.
I find myself spending 24hours a day/7 days a week with three creatures whom I'm told are people, but some days I have my doubts, with little or no contact with the outside world. My nearest friend is a 30 minute drive away, the other 45 minutes. Make friends closer you say, well, that's an excellent idea, but there's one drawback to that. Making friends at my age, trying to break into the world of other people is a lot easier said than done. Now that my oldest is in school I have a captive audience in the other Moms, some of whom have the same problem I do, but again, everyone has their own life and their own demands on their time.
At times I find myself in a funk that is difficult to label and needs addressing. I've decided to jump on the blog bandwagon, add my 2 cents worth to the world at large and create a connection to something beyond myself. One reader, one million readers or none, makes no difference, but a place to put down these rambling thoughts - that's a good thing.
So join me, if you will, on this little journey while I find out if it is possible for me to turn 3 creatures into respectable people. In following posts I will introduce each of the creatures, darling firstborn, a beautiful girl entering school this year, to charming middle son whose smile is going to have girls swooning in a few short years, to delightful youngest with mesmerizing eyes and more attitude than both her siblings combined. Each creature exhibits unique traits (can't possibly make it easier by having any "sameness" going on) which makes each creature exasperating and lovable. One minute I'll be ripping my hair out ready to flee to Tahiti, the next a simple "I love you and I like you" will have my heart melting, and I'm sure they'll all agree that I'm definitely in the running for Mean Mommy of the Year Award.
Right now it's time for bed and story time. Usually the other half gets to do that 15 minutes of snuggle time but he's off gallivanting tonight so I get to do it.
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