Unsoliticed Advice

Prior to having children I was like every other pre-child person out there. I had very definitive ideas of what my children would be like, what behaviour I would accept and what I wouldn't. But, rarely did I provide unsolicited advice to another parent. I know there were parents "out there" saying to themselves "can't wait til she has her own, then she'll see". Of course, I didn't understand that statement, what's too see? Children are children, I'm bigger, smarter and older, where's the problem?

Then I had children. We got off easy with DD1, an easy pregnancy (no morning sickness, a minor lemon craving) and she was sleeping 8 hours a night at 8 weeks and progressed well from there. We discovered she was a little mother when DS came along. You couldn't ask for a more helpful child, I was able to have her "keep an eye on DS" and even amuse him for long periods of time while I engaged in frivulous activties like showering. We had some minor colic problems with DS but nothing major.

Then DD2 came. Let me tell you, if DD2 had been first there would not have been any more. 8 months of colic, yes you read that right - 8 months of colic. She would start screaming at 10 or 11 at night and not stop until at least 2 in the morning, regularily it was pushing 4 before she stopped. In hindsight, if I'd known then what I know now about chiropractic healing I would have taken her to be adjusted. Once she learned to talk we discovered that she was having excrutiating pain in her legs but until she learned to communicate that to us we were left with a screaming demon. Then the night terrors started but that's another story.

Back to the unsoliticed advice, if you're a parent and your children are older than mine or even the same age then yes, I will listen to your advice, but if you do not have children what would possibly posses you to offer up advice? You have no concept of what it is like to spend 24/7 with these creatures. Oh, you may be a child care expert, a teacher, been around children your whole life but that is completely different than living with them and teaching them from scratch. A teacher/day care worker will never replace a parent and shouldn't. At most teachers spend 35 hours with our children yet they feel that their bachelors degrees give them the right to dictate to parents what we should be doing.

I read in the paper that with the economy the way it is we will return to the days of yore when parents actually stayed home and raised their own children instead of pawning them off on other people. Contrary to popular belief it is not better to have strangers raise our children. Has no one noticed the increase in daycare in relation to the increase in crime and the decrease in age of the children committing those crimes?

Advice is a fickle thing, the best advice is that which is given without expectation of it being followed. I quickly learned that one should treat advice like we treat clothes. Pick and choose that which works for you now, and shelf the rest. It may never be useful but you never know.

So, the next time you offer up advice to someone, don't get bent out of shape if the recipient of your advice doesn't seem to take it to heart - they may be shelving it for later, or never, but you don't know their situation or their children no matter how much time you've spent around them. Children are always different around other people but revert to their normal creature ways around their parents.